It is Time to Value the Career of Child Rearing

Recently, Ann Crittenden spoke at the Princeton YWCA about her writings and grassroots efforts in support of the economic value of those who raise the next generation. This is a career that still generally falls to women, and those who choose to pursue it- especially on a "full time" basis (meaning they have stepped out of the "employment" world) are being shortchanged. Not long ago, I wrote a column about this very same topic, in response to an article in TIME Magazine - an article that highlighted the fact that many women ARE jumping off the "corporate track" onto the "mommy track." Unfortunately, the article only dealt with upper income women and didn't delve into the economic reality that motherhood brings to most of us.
In response and support of Ann Crittenden's efforts, I republish that column here:

The Risky Business of Motherhood
By Noreen Braman

Here it is, nearly 22 years since the birth of my first child, and, incredibly, the lead story of TIME's March 22, 2004 issue was about why, "suddenly" women are choosing to step away from their jobs to stay home with their children. We are lead to believe that this is somehow a new phenomenon, and perhaps a type of backlash from latchkey kids who knew too well, the feeling of being a kid home alone. But, there are women who have been quietly doing this all along.

Twenty years ago, when I "stepped out" of the corporate world where I had spent ten years, I left behind a boss who told me I belonged at home, and female colleagues who considered me a traitor to the cause. Yet, I felt as if I was doing the right thing, and despite the financial hardship it imposed on the family, we somehow managed. Like others, I took part-time jobs that neither paid well, nor garnered me much respect. I bartered secretarial services for dance lessons for my children, only to have my husband consider that as my "leisure time" out of the house. Even when I began freelance writing and pulling in a decent part-time income, it was still difficult for anyone to think of me as "other than a mom" and that it was somehow demeaning rather than admirable. It was disheartening at times, yet, the rewards of being with my children seemed to far outweigh it.

As the three of them approached high school age, I finally went back to work fulltime, at a smaller salary than what I had been earning 14 years earlier. Yet, the income truly helped the family as expenses mounted. It was a satisfactory arrangement until I got divorced.

Suddenly, I went from being a part-time contributor to the main bread winner, with my salary and court-ordered child support adding up to less than half of what the family income had previously been. Within months of the divorce I was working two jobs to try and keep us afloat. This meant that my children came home from school to an empty house, made their own dinner and saw me for about 10 minutes as I flew in and out between jobs. I soon learned that my pre-teens and teenagers still wanted and needed a more available adult around, but I had to spend my time scrambling to make ends meet. Financial crisis after crisis followed, the end result was homelessness for about 5 months. All this time, I worked and worked, for low pay, and found in myself a growing resentment toward the time I had been a stay at home mom.

Often I tried to calculate the salary and position I would have had, if I had stayed with my pharmaceutical company job. I realized that I would be approaching my 25th anniversary, had I stayed. Pension and thrift plan benefits would have created a nice nest egg for retirement. I longed for the security that would have come with making that much money as a single parent. I reeled in anger that the 14 years I had given to raising children were so devalued by society - a fact driven home when my ex-husband declared in the divorce proceedings that he would pay what was ordered in support for the children, but not a penny for me. It was as if the years I had devoted to running the home were worth nothing.

Today, I am working at a better paying job, but still not earning what is considered the subsistence income for a family of 4 in my area of the country. I am involved in an expensive legal battle to try and get help from the children's father in paying their college tuition, while at the same time, facing the reality that the child support we rely on to maintain the roof over our heads, will soon stop. I find it interesting that debts I have incurred for the benefit of the children will be hanging around long after they are all out of college. I face the bitter reality of being forced out of yet another home and perhaps not even being able to afford an apartment rental in the state where I live.

So, while I applaud the women who are now choosing to stay home with their children, I offer them some words of warning - make sure you aren't cutting off your career and job opportunities completely. You may find yourself someday in the same position as I am - starting all over again in the workplace, with less time to "make it." Until a stay at home parent is given some financial reward, either in the form of a family income tax break, or other protection under the law for the years spent doing this job, "stopping out" to raise your children can be the best thing for them, but a great risk for you.

©2004 Noreen Braman

For more information about Ann Crittenden's writing see: http://www.anncrittenden.com/