World Record-Breaking Rat Makes Monkeys Out of Scientists

For quite some time, I have been writing and warning the public about the rampant and dangerous experimentation being conducted on rats — supposedly because the results can somehow be correlated to human behavior. I’ve told you about studies about rat mothers being subjected to stress and female rats being “driven mad for sex” in the search for the perfect aphrodisiac, all leading me to feel guilty about evicting these creatures from the comfort of my home.

It doesn’t surprise me then, to find out that a single rat was able to confound a group of scientists for more than four months. In an attempt to find out how rats might be “eradicated” in areas they have recently migrated to, all these scientists learned is that one rat can evade capture by using only its rat-sized brain against brilliant and technically equipped humans.

Released on a 23 acre rat-free island, the rat and scientists began to role play the plot of “The Most Dangerous Game,” with the unarmed rat leading the heavily fortified scientists on an epic journey. The scientists tried traps, bait and even trailed the rat with dogs, to no avail. Even the rat’s radio collar was of no help. The rat evaded capture.

Whether this game became boring for the rat, or whether the rat began to pine for the company of other rats (who knows if this rat had previously been injected with that “mad for sex” potion), after 10 weeks the rat was tired of being a castaway. (I suspect he was told it was only going to be a three hour tour). Apparently possessed of not only super intelligence, our fugitive rat also must be quite the physical specimen. In a heroic attempt to gain freedom, he swam 400 meters of open sea, breaking all rat swimming records, to get to another island. An island that was, unfortunately, also rat-free. It was on this island that the rat was finally captured.

Personally, I think, unable to find any other rats in the area, he gave himself up. The scientists, obviously clueless as to how the rat outsmarted them, are still patting themselves on the back. “Our results may help in the design of conservative strategies to keep islands free of invasive rodents,” they bragged.

Somehow, I think that is a bit of stretch to conclude from this experiment.


Interesting to note: Not too long ago, three bubonic-plague-infected mice were reported “missing” by a lab in Newark, New Jersey. Despite the efforts of the FBI and various accountants, it could not be determined if the mice had actually escaped, if a mouse-counting error had occurred, or if other mice had eaten them. No trace of the missing mice has ever been found.

I say it again; we have to stop fooling around with rodents.


read it yourself: CNN.com - Cunning rat outsmarts scientists - Oct 21, 2005

Exciting News on the Writing Front

My story "My Mother's Table" will be published in "Stories of Strength" an anthology to benefit recent disaster victims.
see: Stories of Strength


My column, "A Rat Too Far" has been selected as a finalist in the Humor Press monthly humor contest, and will be published in their upcoming anthology "America's Funniest Humor."
see: Humor Press


My column "Here's to Your Health (Insurance)" will be published in an anthology of medical experience essays. Details to be announced shortly!

Nothing Funny About Chest Pain At 50

apartment flood update: after renting her own steam cleaner and cleaning the carpet, and the maintenance crew rehanging the doors and reassembling the baseboard heater, it appears that life can go back to normal for my daughter. Of course, that hardly means things have calmed down around here ...


After attending my nephew's birthday party on Saturday night, I went home, played with my dog a little, and then settled down to sleep. About an hour after drifting off, I was awakened by the most intense pressure, pain and burning in my chest that I have ever felt. My mind wavered between indigestion and heart attack - and knowing that my family heart history is not the best - I opted to call 911. Soon I was surrounded by police, rescue squad personel and paramedics. My blood pressure was uncharacteristically and abnormally high - so I was whisked off to the emergency room. Three nitro pills later, I was at least able to slow down my breathing. Morphine administered in the ER brought the pain down to an almost non-exsistent level.

There is no fooling around when a 50 year old woman goes to the hospital with chest pain. There is testing, monitoring, x-raying and blood drawing that happens instantaneously. I will never complain again about going to the ER with a sprain and waiting for attention. If the staff is attending to a heart patient the way they attended to me, I won't mind waiting. The immediate conclusion was that I wasn't having a heart atttack at that minute, but may have just had one, or was gearing up for one. What followed was four days of intense monitoring (during which time I did have more instances of pain), an echocardiogram, a stress test which showed that I might have an area of the heart not getting enough blood, and finally, heart catherization.

The idea of heart catherization has always filled me with fear. The idea of putting a tube up through my femoral artery to my heart to release contrast sounded like pain to me. I've never trusted the "we give you a local" line, or the "we give you something to relax you" line. Me, I want to be out like a light. My family laughs at me, how could someone who had 3 C-sections dread surgical procedures the way I do? Let's just say, I had general anesthesia for the sections, but was awake for a later liver biopsy. Guess which procedure made my scream like a banshee and curse like a sailor?

However, now that it has been done, I have to say, the doctor and staff who performed the catherization were friendly, reassuring and gentle. Nothing was done until it was certain that the area to be opened was numb, through and through (no one was that certain of numbness for my liver biopsy). Tranquilizers I had been given actually DID calm me, but left me with a nice awareness of what was going on. And, truthfully, once I saw my heart on the monitor, I was completely fascinated. The contrast showed my arteries, the interior of my heart, and how the blood pumps in and out. The only sensation I had was some warmth, which was warned about ahead of time. Actually, I'd like some of the blood-warming stuff in the middle of winter. Feeling it travel through my body made me aware, as I have never been, of how fast and efficiently the heart pumps blood through the body. The test was over quickly, the cathether removed, and a special dissolving plug inserted in my artery. I would need to lay flat and still for about three hours, and then, treat the area with care and cleanliness - just as any surgical site. So, I can't drive for three days, shouldn't bend or lift anything. Today, the day after, I have no pain in the area at all. But the best part of the test was hearing the cardiologist pronouce my arteries as "pristine." I felt like I had just been given the Pulitzer Prize for heart catherization results. And the pains, oh they are real enough, but are most likely related to something gastric - an area of my body that has always given me trouble. As long as I know my heart is healthy, I can deal with it.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the police, rescue squad and paramedics from Jamesburg, New Jersey as well as the staff of St. Peter's Hospital in New Brunswick, New Jersey, especially those in the ER, the Telemetry Unit and the Cardiac lab. You all made a very scary experience more bearable.

No news is NOT good news

Don’t be fooled. Just because I didn’t blog yesterday it doesn’t mean that everything is fine at my daughter’s apartment. She continues to stay at a nearby hotel, and to this very moment, NO ONE of any official capacity has gotten back to her with a clean-up/repair plan or estimated date of completion.

Conversations with a neighbor have revealed that flooding has been an ongoing problem for this group of apartments, and the response from the apartment management has ranged from slow to non-existent. The neighbor mentioned an increase in her asthma symptoms triggered by the mold growing in the utility hallway.
Needless to say, my daughter has purchased a mold testing kit and will be presenting any findings to the apartment management. Her neighbor has decided to move out.

It seems to me, the apartment complex should offer the affected tenants the ability to move into other, dry apartments at the same rent for at least the duration of their leases. But so far, that kind of thinking seems a bit too difficult for people who can’t even respond in the first place.

Apartment Flood Update

It is Monday, 10:15 AM. My daughter spent the night at a hotel, as her apartment is uninhabitable. No one from the apartment maintenance staff showed up all day to check out the damage or begin repairs. Late in the afternoon, a professional carpet cleaner arrived but was unable to do anything other than "prep work" because of the amount of water. He placed some fans and a dehumidifier in the room to try and get rid of some of the water. We are all appalled that no one from the apartment maintenance staff even arrived with a shop-vac to try and drain the water, but rather called a carpet cleaner as if my daughter had spilled something.

So, this morning, my daughter goes back to her apartment at 8 AM, as instructed, to meet the maintenance people who are supposed to be there to finally check out the damage. No one arrives. She waits. and waits. Finally, exasperated, she calls the corporate office of the apartment complex and relates the entire story. Five minutes after the call, two maintenance people finally show up at her door.

Are they there to do anything? Do they have any equipment to remove water? No. They are only there to "look" and then they have to report what they see to the office. The sopping carpet remains under water, the wall of my daughter's bedroom remains damaged - and they tell her they don't see getting back to do anything until it dries out (on its own apparently) which could be Thursday.

Today, I see on the news that there are pockets of unprecedented flooding all around the east coast, here in NJ and in New Hampshire. I hope to God that the people who are affected by these floods are dealing with more responsive bureaucracy than my daughter is encountering for one flooded apartment in Pennsylvania.

FEMA Deja Vu

It is 1:50 PM on Sunday, and my daughter is still sitting in a flooded apartment, waiting for her apartment maintenance people to get off their butts and come investigate the problem. Apparently, her call last night went unrecorded, as the apartment managers claimed to have no knowledge of her situation. Their calls to the maintanence people went unanswered for hours, until someone finally called back and said they were waiting for the one guy who has the one machine that can suck up the water.

In the meantime, my daughter and her belongings remain in her living room, watching the wetness creep through the carpeting closer and closer. An investigation of the utility hallway from where the water was flowing has revealed a 2 foot high water mark, evidence of long standing and ongoing water damage, and walls covered with something black that really looks like mold. After some coughing and choking and fear of an asthma attack, my daughter is now wearing a surgical mask.

Her request for a temporary dry apartment was turned down, pending the maintenace people's evaluation of the habitability of the apartment - and they hope to arrive some time after 2 PM. So, 14 hours+ have passed since my daughter first reported this flooding. There are several other apartments that must also be flooded, however, the occupants seem to be away for the weekend.

If this is how one apartment complex thinks it is proper to respond to an emergency situation, it is no wonder that things went so horribly wrong in New Orleans. The fact that no one has even COME OUT TO LOOK AT WHAT IS GOING ON is deplorable.

I am sitting by the phone, with car keys nearby, ready to ride out there to Pennsylvania and knock some heads together.

Hasn't Katrina Taught Us Anything?

I am just home from the long trip to Arizona, back to a state in which it has been raining for days, and is expected to continue raining. As I was getting ready to hit the hay this evening, I got a call from my daughter, who lives in an apartment complex in a suburb outside Philadelphia.

Her apartment, which is partially below ground level has begun to flood. The water appears to be coming in, not only underneath an emergency exit door in a utility hallway behind her apartment, but actually through adjacent cinderblock walls that seem to have pieces falling out of them. That sounds like an emergency situation to me - not only for her immediate apartment, but perhaps for the stability of the entire building.

She called her apartment maintenance, and was told by the person who answered the phone that there was nothing he could do now, that he would come over in the morning to check things, and maybe pull up her carpeting, to be replaced. In the meantime, he says, unplug everything. Nothing my daughter said could convince him to get out of his warm bed to come see the situation in the building that is his responsibility to maintain. Understandably, my daughter was quite upset, wondering that if she tried to spend the night in the still dry part of the apartment, would she wake to find herself floating, or worse, would the entire apartment building above her come crashing down on her because the water soaked wall gave way?

I told her quit fooling with an incompetent maintenance person who obviously hasn't had a bit of training as to what to do in a flooding situation. I told her not to even think about standing in water or on wet carpeting to try to unplug things. I told her to call 911 and let the police and fire department come out and check the situation.

My concern right now is for her health and safety - and I am waiting by the phone to hear what is happening.

But rest assured, once I know she is safe - there will be some people brought to task here for their lack of response.